Tagged: gender

Project Whore: interview #11

1. What are your thoughts on prostitution?

I think that prostitution is a far more complex issue than either the media, the public or politicians treat it. It is a polarizing issue that people from the left and right wing kick around like a political football, while very few people actually have a clue what they are talking about. While I laude the liberal attitudes of New Zealand to regulate prostitution in brothels, I feel ashamed that we still don’t have safety nets put in place for the most vulnerable in our society in the twenty first century. Once a teenager gets a few convictions, and a drug habit society washes their hands of them and that is a tragedy I and others like me push to the back of our consciousness.

2. Have you slept with a sex worker before?

Yes

3. Why or why not?

I was young and both socially and sexually inadequate.

4. What does the word ‘whore’ mean to you?

An insult.

5. Do you belief in monogamy?

Yes.

6. Have you been solicited to, by a sex worker in the street? Male or female?

No.

7. Do you think sex work is a choice?

I think there are as many reasons for becoming a sex worker as there are sex workers working. In my opinion, there is no simple answer to this: Romanian teenagers kidnaped and forced to inject heroin clearly have no choice, while middle class girls who do the occasional escort services for extra money or to pay for college do. However, these are two extreme (and hopefully rare) ends of the spectrum. For the vast majority I cannot possibly comment, though I suspect that the further down the social ladder you go, the less choice is involved.

8. Are you heterosexual, bisexual or gay?

Heterosexual.

9. Are you tempted to pay for sex, if you want to experiment?

No.

10. Lastly, do you judge others who visit sex workers regularly?

​Probably, though I think that as a society we need some serious debate over our attitudes to sex and the way we teach it to our young adults. At best, we’re a little screamish about it; at worst, mediaeval and hysterical about it. That is the only way you are going to reduce the numbers of people seeking out prostitutes to fulfil their baser sexual proclivities.

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Project Whore: interview with #whoreplay Sponsor

1. What are your thoughts on prostitution?
I think ‘decriminalisation of prostitution’ into NZ should stay. Personally, I don’t have any ambition to sleep with sex workers, however I don’t condone others that do.

2. Have you slept with a sex worker before?
No.

3. Why or why not?
Never had any inkling.

4. What does the word ‘whore’ mean to you?
Someone who sleeps with lots of people. The word ‘whore’ relates to both gender; and can be a derogatory term in society. I’m not offended by this word…

5. Do you believe in monogamy?
No.

6. Have you been solicited to, by a sex worker in the street? Male or female?
Yes, many times by both gender.

7. Do you think sex work is a choice?
No…Sometimes there are not other (genuine) options available, to the person concerned.

8. Are you heterosexual, bisexual or gay?
Heterosexual.

9. Are you tempted to pay for sex, if you want to experiment?
No, I don’t think so.

10. Lastly, do you judge others who visit sex workers regularly?
It is not my place to judge anyone. Nor my business – if a friend wants to sleep with a sex worker.

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LOVE Questionnaire #10

1. What is LOVE (in your opinion)?

Love to me is a heightened level of care that you have for someone. I always wonder how people I love are, regardless of how long it has been since I have seen them or at what stage in their lives they are. People I love are always on my mind.

2. Do you believe in love?

Yes, most certainly do.

3. What are your dreams re above?

I never had any expectations when it came to love. I always believed that is was something that happened. The only dreaming I did was about the scenarios in which it would occur.

4. Who was your (childhood) sweetheart?

My first ever “girlfriend”, back in Holland. Who I never got to kiss.

5. When did you first feel butterflies in your tummy?

I only had that recently, with my current partner or was that just nerves?

6. Were you ever besotted with anyone? Why and for how long?

I am one of those people who is besotted very quickly. I have a very easy time finding great things about people and enjoying them for that. I’ve been plenty besotted, mind you I was also single for a very long time too.

7. What has changed for you now (present day) with the word ‘love’?

Fear. Fear of the word being overused and abused.

8. Have your ever written love poetry? Or love notes?

Yes, mostly for people I was besotted with.

9. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No. In lust perhaps, but not Love.

10. What is the most (important) lesson you have learnt through your life, when it comes to e love? Please be specific:)

To accept love in all the ways that it presents itself, rather than expect people to love the way that you want them too. Love is not something you can control or evoke, it just simply is.

LOVE Questionnaire #9

1. What is LOVE (in your opinion)?

Love is personal.

It’s a blanket, and a blind-fold, and swiss-army knife of emotion.

2. Do you believe in love?

Yes.

3. What are your dreams re above?

To be requited.

4. Who was your (childhood) sweetheart?

I didn’t really find out I liked boys until quite a while after my peers. My first kiss was at 14, and it definitely wasn’t with who I’d like to classify as my ‘childhood sweetheart’. I may have entirely missed the boat on getting one, actually. The closest thing I had was my best friend of several years – a boy. It was never a romantic thing, but I think having somebody there to grow with you and experience life with and back you up, always and regardless, is very much a love-filled experience. I think sometimes labels ruin things.

5. When did you first feel butterflies in your tummy?

In intermediate, I was a huge tomboy. Somehow I managed to attract a bunch of the more edgy/nerdy boys, though, and ended up being subject to numerous Chinese whisper games whereby I found out some boy or another liked me. At camp, in year eight, one of those young men plucked the courage to ask for my hand to hold. We ended up going out for about two weeks. He told me I was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen, and I felt butterflies. It was that bizarre realisation that other people can see something in you and it can be pure and unadultered and just so magical.

6. Were you ever besotted with anyone? Why and for how long?

Ash Stymest. He’s a skinny foul-mouthed British model plastered in tattoos. Unbeknownst to him, he had my entire heart for about a year and a half.

7. What has changed for you now (present day) with the word ‘love’?

I spent a long time mulling in misanthropy in my teenage years. I also fell into solipsism, and then later into nihilism.

Essentially, I wanted to think it didn’t exist. I’d seen marriages of my parents and several friends disintegrate, and read the poetry of Bukowski. I think I misinterpreted it all, however. One day I woke up and realised that if we were to completely abandon the notion, we’d lose much of what we live for. Love doesn’t need be between two people; love exists everywhere, in every shape and in every form. Hurt is its absence. But then again, I’ve been known to be an idealist.

8. Have your ever written love poetry? Or love notes?

Multiple times, but only ever for one man.

9. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Shakespeare has never really taken my fancy. However, I think Romeo and Juliet gives a better representation of love than any Disney princess tale.

I believe in love. I don’t want to deny its possibility of happening at ‘first sight’ – but such a thing I believe would require a lot more to be true than our aesthetically-possessed society currently has. It’d be a merging of the souls, so to speak (lamely), and not a modern, “Dang, she’s hot. Would wife/10.”

10. What is the most (important) lesson you have learnt through your life, when it comes to love? Please be specific:)
You need other people.

You need to forgive.

You need to love yourself before you can love another. To entertain the latter before ensuring the former, you’re a colander. You can never grasp the thing you want to dearly, because the holes are in you, and external ‘love’ will continue to drain on through. Those holes can only be repaired with introspection – and that’s one of the scariest things for people these days.

You don’t need the damn new car, you need love. And only you can both give and get it.

LOVE Questionnaire #8

1. What is LOVE (in your opinion)?

To me it is feeling like your heart is between your teeth, and sometimes in your groin. I think love is the fear of being left behind. It’s feeling like there is always the threat of being left.

2. Do you believe in love?

I do.

3. What are your dreams re above?

My dream of love is someone I continue to be challenged and stimulated by, sexually and intellectually. It’s also about kindness, and support.

4. Who was your (childhood) sweetheart?

Felix. When I was under 5.

5. When did you first feel butterflies in your tummy?

Probably when I got asked to the Standard Four social, when I was ten.

6. Were you ever besotted with anyone? Why and for how long?

Yes -A Christian boy who was in his early twenties when I was still at high school. I took him to my seventh form ball. He was the only male I knew who was enthusiastic, funny and capable of conversation. And he was a brilliant dancer, and an actor. I was nuts about him for two years – I think we only kissed once, and then I gave him a hand-job. He told me afterwards that I shouldn’t have done that, and that he had a problem with lust. I tried to devote my life to Jesus for him. I think he’s a youth pastor now.

I was also engaged when I was 22 for three years. I was pretty besotted with him. Because he was extroverted, kind, had exquisite taste, loved lavishing me with gifts, had curly hair and this tiny beautiful body. He was always the life of the party, but was also the most sweet and loving thing. He left me when I was 25. That changed my opinion of love.

7. What has changed for you now (present day) with the word ‘love’?

I think it is feeling like there is risk, of not having all the power, but also I have a deep knowledge that love has to be with someone that can keep challenging you in the ways that matter to YOU, not to your family, or to other people. Now, I am in love with a woman for the first time, who is younger than me, and I feel the need for my love to be a patient love, and a generous love, both in its time and energy for problems.

8. Have your ever written love poetry? Or love notes?

Yes. I write a lot of poetry. I have written poems to almost all of my serious partners.

9. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Maybe not ‘sight’, but sometimes ‘touch’ for me. I’m extremely tactile. I think beautiful things can come from physical connections, but its not a sustainable base for a love that will give you the things you want in life in the long term.

10. What is the most (important) lesson you have learnt through your life, when it comes to love? Please be specific:)

To continue to be clear about what I want from my life, and to accept responsibility for my own happiness. Also that love is this feeling that changes, and its okay to move away from it and towards it.

LOVE Questionnaire #7

1. What is LOVE (in your opinion)?

Love is everything and the only thing. If we don’t operate in love we operate in fear and I don’t want that. I aspire to do everything from a place of love. I love that there is no finite point for love, that you’re never full. It’s expansive and inclusive and there is always room for more. I have so much capacity for love at times it’s overwhelming. I love my friends and family so much I physically feel it.

As for love of the romantic variety, I believe it’s instinctive and is created from a place within our primitive, soul selves. It can be shaped by life but it does not belong in the thinking part of our brain. Love just is. I think as soon as we ask ourselves do I love him or her, the answer is no. If we are in love, it’s a feeling not a thought.

2. Do you believe in love?

Oh yes! I believe in love of a nation, an idea, an animal or a person. Romantic love, I think, is our greatest personal challenge. It’s our opportunity to become the highest person we can be. It’s our individual path to enlightenment, compassion and empathy. It’s the place where the whole future becomes possible. I also believe a few people can fulfil this potential, that we have many soul mates. But I think the prefixes of life dictate timing and our readiness at a soul level. I don’t think there are any “what if” people. I think the ones that got away may have been soul mates but they or you weren’t ready to seize the challenge.

3. What are your dreams re above?

I know I’ll fall in love. I have been in love before and I’ll be in love again. I think true love is a mana thing, that by being together we lift the mana of both of us. But it’s such an honest transaction that I am not interested in the maybe guys, or the almost-love relationships. All in or not at all.

4. Who was your (childhood) sweetheart?

Oh, I was soooooooooooo in love with both my first loves. Love builds our capacity for emotion in both directions, the trick is to keep it in the positive! They made me laugh and brought happiness to my life. I think if it had been medieval times, when teenagers married, I could have made a great and happy marriage with either of them.

5. When did you first feel butterflies in your tummy?

As far back as when I was 8. I had a HUGE crush on someone. I don’t think he ever noticed me, though, and even with the powers of the internet I have no idea where he ended up. I don’t get butterflies now unless it’s someone who really gets under my skin.

6. Were you ever besotted with anyone? Why and for how long?

I wouldn’t say I was ever besotted with someone, at least not in a long term unhealthy way. I think I have high enough self-esteem to give it up when there is a mismatch between effort and reward. I’ll give it a decent crack for a couple of weeks, but if a guy’s not into me, there’s no way I could or would want to force it.

7. What has changed for you now (present day) with the word ‘love’?

I think love in the past used to represent security and lifestyle – you know, marriage, babies, mortgages. Now I would associate it with laughter and freedom. It’s a meeting of mind, heart and soul, where together you are the most powerful beings on the planet. Today, I would want love to mean the planet was our playground and we could literally do anything we set our minds to. I no longer care one iota about marriage, babies and mortgages, in fact, no thank you.

8. Have your ever written love poetry? Or love notes?

Ha…. Yes. Recently wrote a whole bunch of love songs. Love to me is coming home, so the songs were about being home.

9. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yes, but I don’t think it’s the only love. But yes, definitely. My first boyfriend, was love at first sight. Sigh.

10. What is the most (important) lesson you have learnt through your life, when it comes to love? Please be specific:)

That no one can complete you. You complete you. You merely become the most amazing you that you can possibly be when you fall in love. But it has to start with you already being on the path to realising your potential. Ain’t nobody gonna fix you, yo! Codependence is not love (nor are two names on a mortgage).